What this is all about…
I started this page and space for the stories and photographs I created and took end 2020 on a 6-months road-trip to the Balkans. My initial destination and goal was to reach Istanbul, in my dad’s car, which I inherited when he died in February 2017. He had bought it with the idea of travelling to Turkey in it one day, but he never did. So I wanted to give it a try, but also I should not get there.
My goal was to leave home and everything that was connected to it, especially the memories and energy of recently past experiences of heartache and loss. But also too much attachment and the feeling of being trapped and held back from where I wanted to get made me wanting to change course. Not that I had a clear idea of how that was going to happen or look like, but it would surely not happen here and now in my comfortable apartment in Munich. I didn’t want to go back to my profession as urban planner, which I had given up in summer 2019. I didn’t look for any second-choice relationship, now, that the man I had loved and wanted to spend my life with, had finally and undoubtedly chosen a life without me. It was also clear that my destination was not to be a mum, which seemed out of reach and rather a turn in life I had to accept, than a choice I had made. Without a caring and loving partner I didn’t want to have a child, that was clear to me. All that which presented itself to be out of reach to me, or not my choice at that time, kept to be somehow pressingly present in my everyday environment. So why exposing myself to the repeatedly same questions and thoughts by staying in a surrounding where these options seemed to be so dominant, if not, the only ones I had? Moreover, I knew that a long winter in pandemic lock-down Germany would await me, and I didn’t need that experience again. I needed to be free. So I packed my bags, snowboard and a folding bike into my car and left for a 6-months road trip.
Soon after leaving I started to realize and experience, that this travel was not primarily about enjoying places and sights, nor about the miles I would drive. Only a few weeks after I had left, it got more and more challenging and exhausting to keep my pace, and stick to a plan. I struggled with the idea of achieving my far-away goal, of reaching as far south as possible. I felt that I needed to make space and give time to my inner movements and processes I couldn’t leave behind. Although I hadn’t packed a bag saying “psychological homework to do” the emotions I had wanted to leave behind came with me. Even those I thought had past already some time ago. I carried this extra bag with me with everything that wanted to be looked at again. So I changed course and gave it space. The journey started with the feeling of love dying.
Once again, it was all about letting go, stripping off the layers around my very core, that were dead already, just as a tree looses its leaves in autumn. I was that tree, and I needed to be shaken by quite some minor and major storms to loose all the heritage of past pain and experiences I was still carrying with me. This was not the time for a rally or impressive itinerary, it was time to drift, to float and to let life carry me wherever I was supposed to get. Let go!
What my travel blog turned into, is not the usual type of travel-blog. This is my putting-in-words what I’ve experienced on a very personal level, on this trip and since then. I write about what I feel, what moves me and holds me back. This is about personal challenges I face by leaving home and going on this 6-months-trip, but also by coming back from where I started, and facing new and old challenges, some hidden under a layer of dust. A journey of this kind leaves no one untouched. I invited change to come, I needed it and I wanted it. Of course, I didn’t know what was about to come. I took the dive into the unknown. In the “end” I was rewarded, gifted with insights, mysteries and understanding about myself, about life and all the energy that surrounds us, moves us and guides me on my way. I didn’t know what to expect when I left, and I hadn’t really expected to find anything. I left to loose and on top of that I was gifted with what I was supposed to gain. To recognize and realize what that means for me, in my life and for my path, takes just as much time as the journey up to that point. At least! Since then it on me to unwrap my gifts and to make space for them in my life as it continues. Time to unfold has come. Life doesn’t run out of challenges. The journey never ends!
I am a spiritual person. My senses and believes are travelling with me, so expect some magic! ***Enjoy reading! :)***
On the road with Dre 