These first days of November made a special week. I felt a connection to death, people that were once close to me and had died and this one last love in my life, that had died, too.
It started already some days before full moon night on October 31st. Sadness came up an I didn’t really know why. Everything was so nice and beautiful, everything had been working out so good and I met so many friendly people. That day I felt lonely and in need for company and some hugs.
The city, Split, with all its impressive monuments, twisted little streets and inviting restaurants and bars distracted me, but not in a way that would have made a difference to the evenings when it got quiet in my apartment and dark in my soul. I started to long for darkness and for being part of the night, for being in nature and diving into its rhythm of daylight and night.
I left the city for Vis, a very small island 2,5 hours by ferry from Split. The first night at the shore I slept in my car. I had found cliffs that were leading down to the clear, blue water with nothing around. No houses, no people, no harbor and no light. This was the place where I wanted to wait for the sun to set and the moon to rise.
The moon shined like a spotlight on me, the cliffs and the sea. I collected some dry branches and roots, set up a little fire and made me some hot tea along with my dinner of salad, Ajvar, cheese and bread. Not a bad meal. I enjoyed sitting there listening to the calm waves, looking at the ocean. Nothing else in my view than water and the night sky. I was where I wanted to be and this night I felt I had company of the moon and the stars, so I sang a song for them.
I sometimes sing improvised songs to a melody that once came to me in the forest. I sang for earth, water, air and fire and for the sea und all the stars up in the sky. I feel less alone then and I wanted to connect to nature and to ask the elements to be kind to me. They were. I was accepted that night.
The next day, the day of full moon I had a painful start into the day. I hurt my finger badly and it made me cry. Finally I could release some tears that had been waiting already to show up and I shouted out my feelings of injustice and misery. Why had this just happened? I was doing my best to stay positive and uplifted and I felt like I was forced to feel pain. So I felt it. There is no way to escape your true feelings, no distraction, no keeping-up-your-chin will avoid what is inside and showing up. Not for the first time physical pain released my sad emotions. So I gave in.
Later that day I took a walk along the cliffs to see what was on the other side of the nearby hills and to look for a new place to sleep. I felt a desire for comfort coming up, for a place where I could feel at ease, secure, sheltered. I found that place. A tiny, white pebble beach, not far from some houses but out of sight. This place was perfect for me, I instantly felt a warmth like coming home. So I walked back, sat in my car/castle and drove down the rough and steep little path, not wide enough to avoid some scratches but that was the price for being at this beach on my own. When I passed the last houses I turned down the light. I wanted to stay unseen and unheard down there.
The evening was wonderful! It was magic. My little fire burned just perfectly and tonight I even had a hot meal along with my tea. There was no wind, it didn’t feel cold, just a bit chilly, but it was a warm night for a November 1st. I was tempted to go for a swim, the water was warm and unlike many times before I was not afraid to go swimming in the sea at night on my own. So I stripped off my cloths and went to swim in the clear water under the light of full moon. It was truly magic. To walk into the ocean and dive into the night, the blue light shining down on me and reflecting on water and rocks.
I don’t remember I had ever done this before and I was proud of myself, I did something I had been afraid of before. Now I felt so much freedom for not being afraid, not feeling intimidated or shy. I laughed out loud to express what I felt.
After oiling my skin (I was also in the mood for some beauty treatment) I smelled like lavender, rosemary and lemon and in my pyjama I sat down at the fire again. I wanted to sleep right here, under the open sky and moon, on the rocks just a few meters away from the water. So I got my matrass, sleeping bag and pillow and drifted off into sleep.
On the road with Dre 
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