me

I am Andrea, Dre, Djangó, die Waldläuferin and many more. I am a woman, a daughter, sister, aunt, and cousin. I am a friend and lover, ex-everything and to-be-all-of-it. I am a writer, poet, philosopher, photographer, a free mind and a curious heart, I am a dancer, a painter, a traveller, an adventurer, a calm lake in the woods and a spring in the mountains. I am a healer and transformer, I am a visionaire, a spirit of nature, I am part of the universe, indispensable, I am a star, a tree, a flower and a drop of water in the ocean, a part of nature, the smallest and biggest and essential to life on earth, here, then and once. I am many and I am you.

I start this blog with my experience of leaving Amsterdam, the city I love and the place I felt most at home in my life. By leaving home I also lost home inside of me, which I only years later got to understand. After my deeply changing and encouraging journey to South America I tried to return to my former life. I met the man I loved, found the job I thought I had dreamed of and thought about getting comfortable in old patterns of mine. But I shouldn’t. In 2017 my father died and my love left me. I was devastated, more than that. I was in pieces, nothing left of me. Several times I was closer to death than to life. Death was just one step away, a step I didn’t take although the pain was hardly bearable. I had fallen into this pit without me being able to shelter myself. Now I could feel the consequences of having lost home inside of me, having lost the ground I wanted to stand and walk on into future (my relationship) and the strong backbone holding me upright and asking me to be strong at any time (my father). No home, no future, no hold. This was the time when my experience of this one night in the jungle of Colombia came back to me and literally saved me from dying. Despite everything I had lost I still had trust. Trust in life, in the power, greatness and generosity if the universe and that I made a part of it, that I mattered. So I stayed.

Following these experiences in 2017 I went on a first attempt to recover, to stabilize myself, to heal somehow and when I was ready the process of transformation began. Again the walls were tear down and everything turned upside down, but in a way and intensity I could handle better. Not life threatening anymore, just very challenging. It took me more than a year not to find the ground underneath my feet shaking at 6.0 magnitude anymore.

Meanwhile I’m looking back on about 4 years of self-discovery, search, change, loss, letting-go, embracing, struggling and accepting. I learned the most valuable life-lessons in these years and I learned secrets and arts of life of which I didn’t know they existed. I turned out to trust my intuition and spiritual connection more than anything else in life and I found truth in the most unexpected moments and encounters.

Today I have quite some years and intense experience in psychology, psychotherapy, Gestalt-therapy and related approaches like arts and dance, learning self-consciousness, awareness, and responsibility, work with spirits and nature, emotional and physical trauma-release-work, breathwork, dissolving and changing inherited patterns and beliefs, self-responsible processing of emotional and psychological transformation and first-aid methods to calm down in moments of internal turmoil. I kept a journal throughout all these years and writing down what I sometimes could hardly put in words definitely helped me processing and gaining consciousness about what was going on. Today I feel balanced, sometimes more, sometimes less, but I know I can always get there, I feel aware of myself, I know and understand myself and why things happen in my life. There is no such thing as chance, everything happens for a reason and I like to be the detective to find out these reasons (if they not just open themselves up to me which mostly is the case, sooner or later). I feel much more peace within as I can more easily accept what can’t and is not supposed to be changed. Life is a constant balance of challenge and rewarding release, and most important: nothing is permanent except change itself. This is the wave I´m riding and even if I fall I do find the way into light and a deep breath again.

I am writing my story and other stories that keep emerging from my creative mind and heart. My dream is to be an author of a novel, to fascinate and move my readers. For now I have only published the beginning of it in German. It is not complete yet, the story keeps evolving and gaining characters and plots and I am determined to tell my story and share this book with the world. Hopefully with you, too, one day! I would be more than happy, my dream would come true 🙂

Ich möchte hier meine erste Geschichte mit dir teilen, die Geschichte meiner Seele. Ich habe diese Geschichte lange gelebt und sie aufgeschrieben. Nicht so wie sie passiert ist, sondern so wie ich sie gefühlt, gesehen und verarbeitet habe. Sie ist ein Teil von mir. Nun ist die Zeit gekommen ihr Freiraum zu schenken, sie aus meinem internen Speicher zu entlassen, ihr Flügel zu geben und sie sich in Freiheit entfalten zu lassen.

Sie wird wachsen und weiter Gestalt annehmen und durch Euch zum Leben erweckt. Und wer weiß, vielleicht wird mein großer Traum ja eines Tages wahr und wir begegnen uns in meinen Büchern wieder.

Sei willkommen!

becoming me – Die Leben meiner Seele