Days in November part II – Full moon and the fisherman

It must have been around 3 am when I woke up on my matrass in my sleeping bag and everything was pretty wet on the outside. A chugging little boat approached the bay and kept coming closer. A fisherman appeared on board and seemed to look for a good spot. To me he looked very tall and strong, I was a bit intimidated as he seemed very close, but there was certainly enough distance between us and he wouldn’t jump into the water and come swimming to the shore. Why should he?! He shined a light on me and must have seen the curiosity in my face peeking out of the sleeping bag. He dropped anchor and got ready to stay for the night.

When he turned off the lights on board I felt very peaceful, as if everything was now finally ready for the night. I even felt more secure than before. Until now I had been waking up several times. I overcame my resistance to slip out of the sleeping bag again, walked to the car and got some woolen socks and my woolen blanket. Now also I was ready to drift into sleep again.

The next morning I woke up from his voice talking on the phone. I felt perfectly rested and relaxed, no discomfort in body or mind. I watched him for some time, then got up to get my toothbrush and wash my face in the sea. We waved at each other saying good morning. When I was standing there in the shallow warm water he got ready to leave again and when he had prepared his boat he waved again to say good bye.

This was the moment when I knew that my father had been with me that night. This man was spirit and presence of my father, his grace and strength. I felt it so intensely, there was no doubt. He had come to protect me, be with me that night, keeping enough distance for me to still feel as free as before. But in company. Secure. He had watched over me and now in the morning that I was awake and well he left again.

Feelings of freedom and love rose inside of me. He had been letting me stay there at the beach with my feeling of freedom. Now he left the bay, giving it all back to me, to feel free and unwatched again and to take responsibility for whatever comes next. This was just the same as loving me. This was what he was doing by steering his ship out of the bay and back into the ocean, he loved me and left me to continue living my life, my choices, my experiences and feelings.

I was standing there ancle-deep in the warm water with my toothbrush in my hand crying like a baby. I was overwhelmed by my feelings, by this experience of being connected and close to each other. I watched him until he disappeared behind the cliffs and I kept crying, feeling sad that he had to leave again and so inexplicably thankful at the same time. I felt blessed that we had met, that he had been with me and that he had watched over me that night. I was thankful for having felt his presence so intensely and for the experience of feeling freedom and love as one. This full moon night and morning after, on November 1^st, 2020 opened up the gates to a magic week for me.